Experiencing my own “Vulnerability”

Vulnerability
Vulnerability

Vulnerability, as human, we are all vulnerable…

Since some months I want to write something about Vulnerability. The meaning of this word is calling me.

Vulnerability” is defined in the British Dictionary “capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurtopen to temptation, persuasion, censure, etcliable or exposed to disease, disaster, etc“.

It was abstract  and conceptual to me, this word Vulnerability, until I experienced my own Vulnerability recently. Though I have never explicitly claimed that I am a super woman; but implicitly I guess I do believe that with my own efforts, perseverance, I can do everything I really want.  I do succeed my life from zero, I financed  my overseas studies , I succeeded my integration in different countries, I succeeded my own entrepreneurial companies …”If you really want, you can!” was my  motto.

However recently in my personal life, to accomplish a “simple” desire of nearly all women can “maternity ” failed to happen, despite how much I wanted, how much I suffered, the project just simply failed…failed again… and it didn’t even fail better…

I fell down from the top of my powerful sensation that I can control everything in my life, I went through Nonacceptance, anger, sadness, until depression… I just could not understand why me, why a “simple” thing I could not achieve, why… why.. why…it seemed that I was looking for a formula to fix the failure, as I was not ready to accept the “reality”!

Days passed, months passed, I am finally calmed down, I look behind, I see my own “Vulnerability”, simply as a human being, I can not control everything, despite how much I would love to do it!

The vulnerability of USA on September 11th despite they are the most powerful, the strictest security controlled country in the world, there is always something that you can not control.

Vulnerability, risk, unpredictability, and sudden transformation are the constitutive experiences of human life.

Experiencing my own vulnerability teaches me to understand, not only at logical level, but also emotional feeling level: what means uncertainty, acceptance of the reality, let go the past…

 

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